The KORBunist Manifesto!

Lots of Breaking News Today...

2009-07-30T17:17:00.000-07:00

What do I care more about?
Who gets custody of Michael Jackson's kids...
What kind of beer will they be drinking at the "Beer Summit" today at the White House...
Kanye West broke up Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian...

Isn't there a war going on somewhere?

Hilarious Online Video!

2009-07-24T22:36:00.000-07:00

Dear News Directors:
Someone who made a video and put it on you tube and the people looked at it is not news.
Whether it is some people dancing at a wedding, dancing to Thriller in a prison yard, or playing a keyboard when a cat, none of these things are news.
What bored people do in their time off at work means nothing to me in the scheme of what is going on in society.
Again, please stop it.
For the love of god. I can't see these knuckleheads march down the aisle again or hear about their "dance" training.
Nice sweater cockbag.

Jackson would have been 51 today...

2009-07-06T17:19:00.000-07:00

I have no idea when Michael Jackson's birthday is, but i assume whenever it is, the onslaught of Jackson coverage will still be going strong. but can you imagine the pigfuck of rehashing coverage well get that day?
All i know is i watched the news last night for 12 minutes before i heard a story not about the king of pop.
I think we get it: he's dead, there might have been some drugs, he made some videos, he's gonna fuck up traffic in la tomorrow, he had a monkey...
Stop, i got enough.

Thriller

2009-07-01T21:32:00.000-07:00

Why is it that we, as Americans, feel compelled to buy the records of people immediately after they die?
With Jacko stopping, because he got enough (not mine, but i wish it was) last week, the Billboard charts are once again being dominated by the King of Pop, for the first time in decades.
It's like when John Lennon was killed, and the horrible Double Fantasy went from selling 15,000 to going platinum in a week and Nevermind getting back on the charts when Kurt Cobain killed himself.
Now that the guy is dead, you gotta have the music, and you gotta have it now.
You didn't have it last week.
You aren't going to listen to it next week.
Is it to pile on?
So you have something to talk around the watercooler?
Because you're a boring ghoul?
I would like to know, and so would the man in the mirror.

A Note to Hollywood

2009-06-01T09:55:00.000-07:00

Please stop blowing up landmarks.
I'm over it.
Also Parkour is not inherently cool.
People who do parkour are not inherently cool.
Hence, stop doing the cool parkour thing.
It does not make things cool.
especially when there is a landmark blowing up behind it.

Holy Outrage!

2009-05-11T14:41:00.000-07:00

okay,
the price of stamps has gone up.
if you are angry about this, there is something wrong with you.
44 cents to send something across the country is not that much.
if there is actually someone in the world who can't afford the price bump, i think you may have worse problems than the price of a stamp.
please keep all of this in mind reporters.
isn't there someone with a bellyache in Nepal you can start a pandemic alert about?

Things I Don't Care About This Week

2009-02-04T12:49:00.000-08:00

Michael Phelps smoking weed

Christian Bale using the "F" word

The lady with the babies. Please stop giving her press. She's a drain on the countries resources.

Thank you.

Things I don't care about this week

2009-01-30T13:43:00.000-08:00

The lady who had the octuplets last week
Bruce Springsteen playing at the Super Bowl
Jessica Simpson and her mom jeans

Things I Don't Care About This Week

2009-01-14T14:39:00.000-08:00

The Obama family's new dog
American Idol
Clint Eastwood
The price of gas

The Big Question

2008-10-01T22:56:00.000-07:00

With a historic election right around the corner, and the economic crisis affecting everyone from Wall Street to Main Street (can we stop using this by the way?), North Korea and Iran restarting their nuclear program, and pirates stealing Ukrainian weapons from the sea, I think there is one every important question I need answered:
Was Cloris Leachman always this big a whore or is this something new, to appeal to the kids or something?
It just seems weird.
And its kinda freaking me out.

It's All Over

2008-08-04T08:55:00.000-07:00

Empirical evidence that our society has ended:
Ryan Seacrest does his radio show in the building I work in and today he had the Jonas Brothers on.
There were a lot of little girls out front hoping to get a look at the pop stars.
Many of them had signs.
One, who may have been 12 or 13, had a sign that was most disturbing.
Very disturbing.
Her mom was with her as she held a sign that said:
"My mom wants Jonas grand babies."
Someone call child services.

News Flash!

2008-07-24T10:03:00.000-07:00

Now, I don't know if any of you have heard about this.
The news organizations are only reporting on it every two minutes or so, but...
Gas prices have one up
I know, I know. Shocking!
You had no idea!
Well, don't worry. If you watch the news nowadays, there ill be at least two reports straight up on this unheard of fact and probably 2 or 3 more stories will work this information in.
Guess what.
I know gas prices have gone up.
I buy gas.
So do you.
Did you know this?
Or was it necessary for the news guys to let you know about it, every five minutes.
Listen guys, this isn't news.
Since people buy gas every day, they know its more expensive than it used to be.
Even if they didn't would it still be news?
You won't tell me if caviar or hammers or carpets are more expensive.
Why?
Because it isn't news.
Please, for the love of god...

More things that aren't news and should not be reported:
1. It's hot outside. I know I went outside today. This also applies to it's raining outside, snowing, etc. There's a weird segment of the news called the weather, which is where this goes.
2. The amount of money available to win in the lottery is high. Um, not news. In Nevada, this also applies to the amount of the MegaMillions jackpot.
3. The second part of any story where we find out what derelicts on the street think of what we just reported. People's opinions, especially Joe the crazy liberal walking guy, mean nothing to me and is by definition not news, especially when they tell me how outrageous gas prices are.
4. Anything Britney is doing. Unless she kills someone or cures cancer, her life is not important and you can slot a story about what happened at the City Council meeting instead here.
5. How many people watch a YouTube video. Really, 200,000 people saw the dog on the skateboard? Who cares, tell me why the highway has a hole in it and when it will be fixed. This rule also applies to the amount of money movies have made and records have sold. People went to see Batman...fascinating.

Now get out there and find some real news, but take the hybrid news van...gas is really expensive right now.

Is Sam Jackson still cool?...Really?

2008-05-07T12:00:00.001-07:00

So i went to see Ironman last night at the Arclight.
At this theater, they have a dude come out and introduce the film and he says, "Stick around after the credits for a special surprise."
So the movie plays and its totally awesome, Downey Jr. is awesome, the effects are awesome, the music and editing are awesome, I'm very pleased.
So we decide to stay through the credits for the surprise and ***spoiler alert*** Tony Stark come into his house and a mysterious figure is in his room. The figure speaks in that obvious bored Sam Jackson tone and I think to myself, shit, Mace Windou is going to challenge Tony Stark to a fight so all the nerds flip out.
Well, it turns out hes not his Star Wars character but he's Nick Fury from S.H.I.E.L.D. and wants to talk about the Avengers.
So now I'm torn.
An Avengers set up for Iron Man 2. Awesome. Love the Avengers. Loved the Iron Man movie. Great.
Of course the bad part, Sam Jackson's gonna be all over that flick.
I remember when he became cool, after Pulp Fiction, a long time ago.
He hasn't been good since. An obvious case of Sigorney Weaver disease.
I ask my wife, " Why, why Sam Jackson? Why do they have to ruin it with him?"
She replies, "I don't know. Cool factor?"
And she's right. For some reason people still think he's cool.
Witness the MTV Awards and the Spike awards and how he's in every goddamn movie playing that same bored, I guess cool guy, with the crazed stare and the wily saunter.
I'm tired of it.
Please Jon Favreau, please Stan Lee, lets go with someone else, please.
Its been done before, Harrsion Ford took over for Alec Baldwin in those Tom Clancy movies, all the Batmans, there precedence.
For me.
Thanks.

Savior of the Universe

2008-02-13T21:11:00.000-08:00

Thank Goodness.
Thanks Goodness for Don Mays.
What, you don't know who Don Mays is?
He's only the most responsible man in the world and he's making it better for you by calling out some of the scofflaws that are trying to drag you and your children down.
Who has the great Don Mays called out?
The devil himself, Billy Ray Cyrus, and his demon seed Miley.
These two indigents were seen by the ever vigilant Mr. Mays, or one of his crack staff, riding in the backseat of a range rover without their seat belts in a scene in the hit film, "Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert."
I know, scandalous.
Luckily, Don, the director of product safety over there at the Consumer Reports magazine has made us all aware of this insidious incident in the pages of that fine magazine.
In response, Mr. Achy Breaky Heart issued this statement:

"We got caught up in the moment of filming, and we made a mistake and forgot to buckle our seat belts. Seat belt safety is extremely important."

Damn straight Billy Ray. Damn straight.
And thank you again Mr. Don May, your Congressional Medal of Honor is in the mail

2008 is the new 1999

2008-01-25T15:42:00.000-08:00

Although it is a new year, it sure feels like an old year as far as one of the "big" news stories.
Remember back in 1999, when an awesome movie called "The Blair Witch Project"came out. The first week was talk of the "the little indie that could" and box office receipts, then starting in week 2, every news organization started running stories about how the movie was making people sick and those with weak stomach should stay away, not from the scares but the camerawork. (It was shaky and handheld)
Look what i found in the Boston GLobe.
and Fox News reported it too...
Don't worry, the Philadelphia Inquirer warned their readers of it too.
The new scourge of the movie going world and purveyor of endless warnings from our media protectors is of course "Cloverfield".
From the Globe article:

Erika Hasegawa, 32, was watching "Cloverfield" at a theater in the Los Angeles-area community of Alhambra Tuesday night but had to leave in the middle of the film.
"I'm really nauseous right now - just hold on for a second," she said, before walking down the hall and retching in a trash can.
"I wish I could get my money back," she said.

Really.
Did you see the trailer before you trekked out to the movie.
Did you see the shaky camera work in the commercial.
Are you a pussy?
Oh wait, some experts chimed in, also in the Globe article:

Some experts were not surprised, given the film's use of hand-held cameras that were jerked around to boost suspense....Experts suggest those who feel motion sickness try to stare at a fixed point that doesn't appear to move, such as the head of someone sitting in front of you in a theater or at a nearby seat. Dramamine, a medication taken to relieve nausea, might also help.

Awesome.
Can I get a large Sprite and a medium popcorn, with Dramamine.

A minute of reason within the warnings, again from the Globe article:

Some movie chains stressed that the vast majority of viewers felt fine watching the movie.

But to make sure that no pussies are hurt during the movie:

Nonetheless, Kansas City-based AMC Theatres placed caution signs in hundreds of its theaters nationwide warning about possible motion sickness issues.

But I think what bothers me so much in this further evidence of the pussification of America is that when filmmakers and musicians and artists go even the slightest outside of the norm, we must be warned. Further, what concerns me even more is that I haven't been warned about the shaky videos posted by shitheads on YouTube. There is all kinds of handheld, shaky cam, poorly lit media all over this site and not a single warning to take Dramamine before hand.

You guys are slipping.

And to take this even further, how many of the people who complained about being nauseated by this movie have posted crap on YouTube shot without a tripod. How many have submitted videos of their friends riding a skateboard with a jittery lensing up until that moment they jam their nuts on a pole and the camera violently rocks away and then we see them running.

You guys are the ones I want my money back from.

Stuff of the Year 2007

2008-01-03T11:47:00.000-08:00

Movie of the Year:
No Country For Old Men
Hon Mention:
Eastern Promises

TV Show of the Year:
The Wire
Hon. Mention:
The Shield
How I Met Your Mother

Album of the Year:
Weekend in the City: Bloc Party
Hon. Mention:
Four on the Floor: Juliette and the Licks
Black and White Album: The Hives

Most Annoying Word of the Year:
Thrive (stop it everyone, especially in your advertising)

Best Soundbite of the Year:
"Don't Tase Me Bro"

Worst Dude of the Year:
The "Don't Tase Me Bro" Guy

Pop Song of the Year:
Nominees:
Tambourine: Eve
U + UR Hand: Pink
I Still Remember: Bloc Party
Coffee Shop: Yung Joc
Never Again: Kelly Clarkson

Winner:
I Still Remember: Bloc Party

A Message to Retailers

2007-10-05T16:34:00.000-07:00

Tuesday is a great day.
It's the day all the new release CDs and DVDs come out.
Most Tuesdays I make a trip to Circuit City to buy said the aforementioned CDs and DVDs that interest me that I have seen in the Sunday circular available to everyone on the internet.
But there's a problem...
A big one...
One that caused me to stop going to Best Buy (of course this was in conjunction with other problems at Best Buy including the crap ass staff and management)...
For some reason, they never have all of the new release product out on the floor and no one who works there seems to know where it is.
I can understand if it was some obscure title that wasn't advertised, but if it is in the circular, you gotta get that shit on the floor by opening time.
Last Tuesday, I wanted the latest Entourage series DVD and I went in the store at 6:30 PM. That's 8 1/2 hours after they opened by the way, and it wasn't on the floor. The fourth person I asked about it finally got it to me but I was on the precipice of banning Circuit City for the offense.
When I worked at Tower Records (ahh, good times), we spent Monday night after closing putting out all the new releases on the shelf so they would be there when the kids came in in the morning. This is how it should be, but if not, do it first thing, so noon is the latest they should be out.
And I don't want the "They didn't come in until today excuse" This is not valid. I know it does happen, but I also know the boxes that new release product is in is marked with big stickers and i know the receiving clerk knows this and can get those in first so you can then quickly get them to the shelves.
It one of those things that if this continues, amazon is only a click away and it just comes to my house with no hassles.
This might be one more reason Circuit City is in the toilet and close to closing. Forget all the other market analysis and corporate mumbo jumbo, GET YOUR PRODUCT ON THE FLOOR AND THEN I CAN BUY IT!
And put it in a place I can find it too, like a rack at the front of the store marked "This Weeks New Releases".
Thanks and I'll see you on Tuesday.

Stop with the Britney Already

2007-10-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

six.
twenty-five.
That's how many reports I heard about Britney Spears in the amount of minutes it took me to get home last night.
6 reports about Britney Spears losing her kids in a twenty-five minute span on the Access Hollywood channel? The Insider Channel? No, the AM all-news radio channel.
No idea what's going on in Iraq or Afghanistan, only one report about stocks reaching their all-time high, no information on how safe or not safe my new community is.
Awesome.
Thanks guys.
I know I've said this before, but why is everyone still wondering why people aren't paying attention to current events or getting their news from traditional sources.
Is it because the radio waves are saturated with this crap that means nothing to me? It's fine, report it once, but I don't need to hear any analysts talking about what this means for Britney or what her friends think about it.
Really, can you tell me something that might actually affect my life or help me know more about the "real" world going on around me?
I also don't care if she is wearing underwear or not or what kind of water she drank after the VMA's.
For once I agree with Kanye West....except for the whole buy "Graduation" thing. That's stupid too.

Hello L.A.

2007-09-10T21:07:00.001-07:00

So we just moved to Los Angeles, where the sun shines, the people are friendly and gas is a little cheaper. There is one thing I've noticed though which may drive me over the edge.
The local news here is even more infuriating that it was in San Francisco.
No I haven't seen any LA Area reactions to every story, which is nice, and there's no Gary Radnich but...
The entertainment reports go one for ever here, and it isn't like deals or insider stuff, it is all form the land of Access Hollywood and the like.
Endless reports on Britney at the VMA's and Celebrity Breakups and lead stories about the Phil Spector trial, which I had forgotten was even going on. Yes, daily updates from the Phil Spector trial at the top of the newscast when the story is, testimony resumed...
Also, the All News radio station here is filled with anchors who are "outraged" over nearly every story when they are interviewing people familiar with the story. Hey guys, save the opinions and let the man talk, of course you think its horrible the Air Force flew some nukes over the country, no need to spend time telling me about it.
Overall, I think the move down here will be a good one and I will have a lot of fun, there's just a lot more CNN Headline News in my future.

Lessons From All-Star Week

2007-07-18T09:34:00.000-07:00

The baseball All-Star Game was here in San Francisco last week and I took part in the festivities and learned some things:
1. I love baseball.
When I was a kid I followed baseball, collected cards, went to games with my dad, listened to Hally Kallas and Richie Ashburn call the Phillies game on the radio and I loved it. Then I went to college and got away from it. Oh I still went to a game here or there but mostly it was just to drink overpriced beer and sit outside but after All-Star week, I realized I missed being involved.
Now does this mean I will start wearing a Cubs jersey and memorizing reliever's ERA's?; I doubt it.
Does it mean I will start listening to more games on the radio on my way home from work or leaving the Giants on the TV when there is nothing else on? Absolutely.
Will I pick a new favorite team? Yes.
Will it be my childhood favorites the Astros or the Blue Jays? Probably not since they changed their uniform, but a team will be picked by the end of the year. I'm leaning towards the Angels, but don't tell my wife that.
2. I am a nerd.
I waited in line for 4 hours at the FanFest to be ignored by Juan Marichal while he signed my baseball, read the multitude of rules Rollie Fingers had set up for the autograph he signed, and be pleasantly surprised by the outgoing Tony Gwynn. The wait was hell but when I got up there I geeked out and got all excited that I got to talk with Rollie, one of my all time favorite players, and just to be in the presence of Hall of Famers. Starfucking? A little. Connecting with guys who I looked up to growing up. A lot. I wish my dad would have been there but I'm glad Denis was.
3. The Home Run Derby is really boring.
$125 gets you into the most dragged out glorified batting practice you'll ever see. It was cool to be in the stadium all done up for the big game and to see all of those players in the special American League and National League uniforms and of course to see guys kill the baseball, but it goes on way to long with too much nothing in between. My advice to those thinking of going to next years Derby in New York...make sure you have someone to talk to cause there's a lot of time to do it. And to the guy who was sitting next to me, put the Blackberry away and explain to your kid, without frustration the rules of the Derby and enjoy the day with him.
4. Go hang out, even if you don't have a ticket.
Between the FanFest which was cool and reasonably priced and the crowd hanging around the stadium waiting to get in, trying to find tickets, selling crap, or just hanging out, it's fun to be a part of. There were so many people outside of the stadium who had no intention of going inside but still wanted to be a part of the day and the game and it made for a very fun time.
5. Wait until the day after the game to buy your merch.
I should have figured this but all of the vendors outside the stadium had to pack up their All-Star Game merchandise and move on so the discounts were big. I of course paid the full price inside the stadium. They don't sell most of the official stuff anywhere after the game so bargains are available..the day after.
6. Barry Bonds is still a jerk.
'Nuff said.

Thanks for the Heads up, Jackass

2007-06-08T15:32:00.000-07:00

A fun new trend.
I was looking at the paper today and there was a review for the new film "Paprika", a R-rated anime feature. It was a good review of a seemingly good film but there's this thing film reviewers seem compelled to do which is really starting to get me.
I don't know if its their editors, the MPAA, some watchdog group that has forced this but please...
"NOT FOR KIDS!"
No shit.
It's rated R.
Where was my tip off?
The worst offender of this to this point was every review for the very good movie "Pan's Labyrinth".
Once again, this movie was rated R.
But somewhere along the line, the filmmaker described it as a fairy tale, which was of course repeated by every reviewer.
Are Americans really so stupid that when the clips of the monsters and war and the big rated R are cancelled out by the words fairy tale or animated?
Are we so irresponsible I need to be kicked in the face over and over again by overprotective members of the media to make sure I don't poison the mind of my child by taking them to see such wonderful yet despicable films?
I think we get it.
Stop trying to save the children.
And get me some popcorn.

Free Willy!

2007-05-21T17:25:00.000-07:00

This last week two whales swam from the ocean and went up the Sacramento River.
Since then, I have learned more about whales than I ever cared to know.
Male and Female whales respond differently to whale sounds!
Whales can go without eating for weeks!
A mother whale is very protective of its calf!
Yee-haw!
This story has been the lead on so many newscasts and front pages I can't believe it.
I'm not saying its not newsworthy, it is, but is it worth the resources of every news helicopter floating overhead so any move by the whales can be caught on film to break into regularly scheduled programming?
The whales have crossed under the Rio Vista bridge three times today!
Poor Tony Libertini hanging out all week along the Sacramento Delta. Not since Tiny Potts got embedded with Larry Birkhead have I pitied a reporter so.
I think this is a story one AP reporter fresh out of college could handle and throw onto the wire at the end of the day for everyone to pick up. Seriously this is block c, page 13 kind of news, not a live breaking coverage with your best sat truck story.
I have no idea what's going on in Iraq or who is going to be our next President but I sure can tell you the last time a whale got stuck in the Delta, his name was Humphrey and it was 1985.
I miss hearing derelicts on the street complain about the price of gas.
Good times.

Finally!

2007-05-02T18:00:00.000-07:00

at least a momentary stop to the insanity.
A federal judge threw out a lawsuit filed against KFC for their use of trans fat in the food.
Here's the full article
The judge said the plaintiff could not be proved he was harmed by the trans fat and further went on to say basically that if you go into a fast food place, what do you expect?
That's what I've been trying to say.
Hopefully this will stop the douche bags from trying to save me and let me eat the crappy foods if I want to.
If you don't like the trans fat, there's a salad bar at the Molly Stone down the street.

Critical Ass

2007-04-04T08:05:00.000-07:00

The "peaceful" protesters of San Francisco have done it again.
On the last Friday of every month, thousands of bike riders clog the streets of the city in an attempt to raise awareness of bike riding and riders.
Its a nice idea.
I don't ride a bike in San Francisco but its gotta suck, what withe the narrow streets and the congested traffic and the drivers on the cell phones in the SUVs. And whatever your views are on environment stuff, bike riding certainly do not contribute to the pollutants in the air.
But...
Number one.
I'll never understand the pissing people off to make them sympathetic to your cause method of protesting.
These guys get on their bikes in a giant pack and jam downtown during rush hour, disregarding all the the rules of the road. So now I hate you cause I can't get to the bar and you just ran that stop sign. This is an all the time pet peeve of mine with the bicycles since they are supposed to obey traffic rules but I don't know how many times a bike runs a stop sign when its my turn to go and I get flipped off,but I digress.
And now this.
During the last critical mass, some tourists got caught up in the the gang of bikers, and had their car smashed while their children wailed by some of the cyclists. Read the article here for all the info.
Come now folks.
Is this the way to get your cause noticed?
Is violence the answer for those of you who are "Biking against Oil Wars"?
I know its just a few of the thousands who participated in this assault, but its indicative of the mentality of a lot of San Francisco protesters.
"I'm right and you're not. Everything I do to support my cause, legal or not, at the expense of whoever stands in my way is valid and just." Its also bullshit.
I now have even less respect for this event and this issue.
And that's too bad. Because I was somewhat sympathetic before.
What does that mean in the grand scheme of things, losing my support?
Nothing.
But what about the hundreds of others who changed their minds like me?
Keep it up kids.
And bury your cause a little deeper.
And for the love of god put a reflector on that Schwinn.

Target is a Laxative

2007-03-28T22:02:00.000-07:00

Every time I walk into a Target store I have to go number two.
No matter when or where, how long its been since last time, what I have or have not eaten, I walk through those Caution: Automatic Doors, and my bowels loosen up.
I don't know why.
Thank goodness they have a restroom.
Cleanup on aisle 2.

American Idol 2

2007-03-24T11:02:00.000-07:00

Another scandal over there at American Idol.
Why is Sanjaya still on the show?
Many theories abound.
I have the answer.
Ready...
Because he gets more votes than the other people do.
Now knock it off.
I'm still talking to you Billy Bush.

Are We Done Yet?

2007-03-11T22:32:00.000-07:00

Remember when you first saw or heard IceCube or Snoop Dogg?
IceCube Then
Remember how scary and bold and exciting and intriguing it all was?
Snoop Dogg Then
Things sure have changed huh?
IceCube Now
Snoop Dogg Now

Rosie O'Donell

2007-03-10T15:09:00.000-08:00

Please shut up Rosie.
Please, please, please.
For the love of God, shut up.
Please take your liberal moral compass and your holier than thou everything and shove it.
And then shut up.
Your opinion means nothing to me 'cause it keeps coming and coming and coming.
You are not always right.
Everyone else is not always wrong.
Not everyone is so goddamn sinister Rosie.
Sometimes people just make mistakes or don't thin things through or the rules change or just do things. There's not always evil lurking behind the face of everyone but you.
In fact it may be just the opposite.
Plus, since you have derided, persecuted, outed, and denied everyone else's right to an opinion or free speech, I'm going to say I couldn't care about your depression or anything else that has made you sad or hasn't gone your way.
So in conclusion, Rosie shut up.
Please.

Early Pop Song Contender

2007-02-21T18:11:00.000-08:00

The first contender for pop song of the year has arrived and it is a doozy. I don't expect it to win come the the end of the year, 'cause it's not a party jam, which is the way it tends to go, but I wanted to announce it anyway.
Bloc Party's "Prayer" is the song.
it makes me feel happy, sad, hopeful, desperate, melancholy, all at the same time.
The chorus is beautiful, immediate, and groovy.
The song is also this generation's "How Soon is Now?"
You can hear it at Bloc Party's Myspace Page
And now you know, so go buy the record and support the kids.

Strange Love

2007-02-08T17:42:00.000-08:00

Two sex "scandals" came up with this week and the media did especially well placing blame and blowing things out of proportion, so I thought I'd comment.

1. Gavin Newsom has an affair with his campaign manager's wife
The mayor of San Francisco, of whom I am a fan, it turns out is a bit of a birddog. He had an affair with his campaign manager, and friend's, wife which caused the cuckolded man to resign his post. The next day, the Mr. Newsom admitted to the affair and asked the citizens of San Francisco to forgive him.
Done.
Oh wait, not so fast KORB!, there's a lot more to this story. Did you know the mayor drinks? Did you know the mayor likes to bang chicks? Did you know that now Gavin's political career is dead?
Now the mayor is going into rehab, paying the dude off, and damage controlling for his reelection bid next year.
This story is not that big a deal.
Is it cool he screwed his buddy over? No.
Is it my business? No.
Does his drinking interfere with this governing? Not that I can tell. I think Gavin is a real smart dude who's done some really good., progressive things since he's been in office (even though he;'s a Democrat), and if he wants to roll up into the Marina on a Friday and down some martinis, what's it to me? or to you KRON4?
And with the election over a year away, i think we can hold off on the speculation about his bid for a second term until we get a little closer so let's stop it with the speculation KPIX.
And when it comes to the ladies, here's the thing. This guy is single, so sow the oats dude. More power to you. And as far as being afraid of introducing the mayor to my wife, she has a pass with him, cause there's a good chance he will be at least Governor if not President.
Here's a picture of me and Gavin Newsom.

2. Astronaut Stalks woman in Space Love Triangle.
A woman, who's profession is astronaut, went a little crazy over a dude and tracked down a woman she though he was involved with, with perhaps the intention of killing her.
This is bad. She is bad. She went crazy. She need to be in jail. She is? Good.
End of story.
Oh no, tell me channel 2, is NASA doing anything to make sure crazy people don't become astronauts?
What?
Why is this NASA's fault?
Do we really think a whack job can go into space?
Has anyone ever been in love? Did it make you crazy? Of course.
Has anyone ever snapped under pressure?
Is the USPS responsible for every postal worker that lost his stuff?
Stop this angle of the story. Stop making NASA waste more money, reevaluating its screening processes.
She was into a dude, she got a little nutty over him, she went to far. NASA didn't train her to do this, wearing diapers to avoid going to the bathroom on a long drive is an idea college kids have, so let it go.
She's been suspended. She's never going into space again. And if she did, would it hurt any of us?
Just the facts please guys.
There's enough going on that you don't have to make the news yourselves.

...And Eddie Murphy

2007-01-28T20:36:00.000-08:00

Now that for the 6th, 7th(?) time Eddie Murphy believes he is the only person who can be funny in a movie and insists on playing all the funny parts, we as a nation have got to come to a collective realization.
It's not funny to bill it or talk about it being "Starring Eddie Murphy and (wait for it) Eddie Murphy" It is no longer unique or new or humorous at all.
Billy Bush I'm talking to you.

American Idol

2007-01-24T18:01:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna say this once.
To all the news shows, tabloid programs, radio hosts, and everyone else who discusses this, listen to me.
There is no deep sociological reason why people are willing to humiliate themselves on TV by trying out for idol. Yes some of them are delusional and think they are great, but they are also included in this statement.
Ready for the big reason?
They want to be on TV. They think that being on TV will make them famous.
That's it.
No duh.
The discussion ends now.

Stuff of the Year

2006-12-20T22:19:00.000-08:00

It is time for a best of list for 2006.
The most important thing, the "Pop Song of the Year". In fact, its so important, its really why I started this blog.
Past winners include "Lose My Breath" by Destiny's Child, "Toxic" by Britney Spears, and "Tubthumping" by Chumbawaumba.
There is some controversy swirling around this category this year however. the Mrs. and I have been disputing over what does "pop song" mean.
Let me clarify.
For Korb's purposes, a pop song follows a verse chorus verse format (this can include a bridge or solo or go verse, verse chorus, but you get the drift), has been released as a single during the calendar year and has been on the charts, making it "popular". Hence, The Killers, Ciara, Snoop Dogg, and Carrie Underwood all released "pop" songs this year, albeit concentrated in different genres.
So, the nominees...
"Talk" by Coldplay
"SexyBack" by Justin Timberlake
"Dare" by Gorillaz
"My Love" by Justin Timberlake feat. T.I.
"Fastlane" by Lindsay Lohan

Talk amongst yourselves while I get some other categories out of the way.

Top 5 Albums of 2006
5. tie The Back Room-The Editors/ Morningwood-Morningwood
4. Lords Have Mercy-The Lords of Altamont
3. tie Sam's Town-The Killers/ Young for Eternity-The Subways
2. Impressions of Earth-The Strokes
1. Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I Am Not-Arctic Monkeys

Back to the pop song.."Fastlane" is the catchiest song of the year, however, I can't verify it was released as a single. It was supposed to but the Ms. Lohan's label got mad at her and may or may not have ended up putting it out. If it did get released, its the winner, if not sorry..."My Love", has that amazing synth beat behind it and is a song I could hear a million times but I don't know if a song with a feat. rap in it has become commonplace enough to qualify. (it's one of the reasons "Signs" by Snoop Dogg was eliminated last year.

Best TV Shows of the Year
5. So Notorious-VH1
4. Call to Greatness-MTV
3. Stella-Comedy Central
2. How I Met Your Mother-CBS
1. The Shield-FX
Special mention to The Wire on HBO. Although I don't have the network, I have been buying the DVDs which I ripped though once I started watching. I'm sure season 4 carried on the tradition of great television.

"SexyBack", the superjam of the year should be eliminated because of its liberal use of the "f" word. I know it got taken out for the radio but its still there. Shame, shame JT.

Best Movie of the Year
1. The Departed
I just didn't see very many movies this year, let alone that I liked and this thing was so great I just wanted to mention it.

"Dare" by Gorillaz has the most weirdly catchy harmony of the year and though I don't really care for this group, this song always got me dancing whenever I heard it. Finally, "Talk" by Coldplay has the most engaging guitar riff of any song I heard this year as well as being a finely crafted pop song, but at 5 minutes it may be too long. Both of these songs take great liberties with the verse chorus formula as well making them iffy.

Best Reason to be Thankful for DVD
As mentioned earlier, The Wire is one of the best shows ever and if it weren't for TV on DVD I never would have had the chance to see it. So what I'm saying is that TV out on DVD is the best reason to be thankful for DVD. it also allowed me to see Entourage and Oz this year, as well as having been able to catch up on The Shield so I could actually watch it on TV this year. Thank you DVD distributors.

So what to do. It's not as cut and dry this year in the Pop Song of the Year race as in past years like when I declared "All the Things She Said' by T.a.t.U. as Pop Song of the Year in July it was so good back in '04.
I just can't get confirmation on "Fastlane" so sorry Lindsay. The rap and the chirpy thing on "My Love" elimiantes it. Eventually the feat. rule will relax but not this year. "Dare" is just too weird and "Talk" is simply too long.
So it looks like I'm going to have to break the rules a little and declare that since it was edited for the radio, "SexyBack" by Justin Timberlake is the Pop Song of the Year for 2006.
Congratulations Mr. Timberlake and America.

Have a great summer, see you next year.

James Kim

2006-12-12T08:15:00.000-08:00

Maybe you heard about James Kim, the man who got stuck with his family on a road in Oregon for 2 weeks. His wife and two kids were saved but he went out to try and find help and was later found dead from hypothermia.
I used to work with James at TechTV and even though we were not close, the story really got to me.
There's been a lot of debate in the online forums about whether what he did was right or wrong and I will now chime in and say that I believe what he did was right. he had been stuck for seven days when he set out. Imagine having two young children and no knowledge if people were looking for you or would be able to find you. I think as a father, he had to go and unfortunately, that decision cost him his life.
A lot of emails went around a little thing we have called the TechTV alumni list and a lot of his former co-workers expressed a lot of nice sentiments about James and my two cents was that I respect and admire James for trying to save his family.
I hope no one ever has to make such a decision again and I hope that if nothing else, his family can take solace in the fact that James did the right thing and should be remembered for that.

Tie it Up, Tie it Down

2006-11-28T17:28:00.000-08:00

First thing.
If you walk a dog in the city, put it on a leash. I know that the dogs need to run free and all that, but in the city there are these weird things called cars. Your dog is walking along, la la la, and something sets it off, another dog, a loud noise, and it runs out into traffic and people can't always stop. Then you poor dog might not make it. Why take the risk. Put it on a leash from the get go and then it doesn't know any better and it'll stay safe.
Isn't alive on a leash better than untethered in heaven?
Second thing.
Why is every traffic report filled with details of couches and Sheetrock and sinks falling off of trucks and cars and blocking lanes? Secure your crap people. If you're going through all the trouble of loading it into the bed or on top the roof of your vehicle, take a minute and make sure its on there real good so you don't have to dodge traffic and get it out of the street.
This is a society people and we all have to live in it. Why not make it a little easier on one another?

The City of Ridiculous Ballot Measures

2006-11-08T18:16:00.000-08:00

Proposition J form the November 7, 2006 San Francisco ballot:
"Shall it be City policy to call for the impeachment of President Bush and Vice President Cheney?"
Awesome.
The results?
Pass: Yes: 92,136 / 59.35% ...... No: 63,100 / 40.65%
Super Awesome.

In the tradition of every voting day I've had here in San Francisco, a wasteful silly ballot measure appears that the voters of the must be liberal town eat up and approve without any thought of ramifications.
Case in point. Prop J.
This week all of the local news stations had a series of reports on how "The San Francisco Values" were under attack-see the story from channel 5's website.
Everyone up in arms about how the rest of the country talks down to the way the bay area thinks.
Makes fun of San Francisco.
Mocks us.
Way to change that everybody.
Nice one.
The passage of (forget that it even exists) Prop J will certainly change the rest of the countries opinion of us.
Let's look back on some of the other good ones.
Another version of prop J has actually appeared before, winning big.
In the spring, the voters passed a measure to ban having a handgun in the city.
Does the Bill of Rights not apply here?
Surprise, surprise, this one is in the courts.
One of the first I can remember asked if the city should prevent banks from collected ATM fees for using their machines.
Big win on this one...big lawsuit too.
Weird how the city can't regulate capitalism. Don't use the ATM dumbdumb.
So many measures to regulate big box stores, chain shops, save mom and pop stores. Can I get some Arby's please?
In the long run, I think San Francisco deserves a new nickname, like New York being "The City that Never Sleeps."
How about the title of this post or the "City of Pompous Asses"?

Kenfrucky Fried Fricken

2006-10-31T17:11:00.000-08:00

So the big news yesterday is that KFC will stop using transfat in its products.
fine.
great.
don't care.
but here's the shocker charges that some have levied against the chicken restaurant in making this announcement:
are you ready?
it is shocking....
"they are just doing it to make money!"
shocking!
of course idiots they are doing it to make money cause for whatever reason, people want their KFC to be healthy and are willing to sue over it. So to make sure that the trendy folks will stay in the seats and the lawyers will get off their backs, they switched the oil.
you guys won. What are you still crying about?
KFC and its parent companies ARE NOT EVIL!
Its just like when McDonald's stopped using Styrofoam.
You won.
Be happy.
Although I really don't understand why the healthy people are worried about what is going on at the KFC and the Wendys. I thought that your self-righteousness gene would cause them to explode if they walked through the door of the dumb mans lunchroom.
Well congratulations. We'll see how the chicken tastes and determine if its one more thing y'all have ruined in your quest for moral domination.
Now go get yourselves some soy taters.

And now a related joke told by the great Neil Hamburger:
"Why does Kentucky Fried Chicken come in a bucket?"
"So you have something to throw up in when you're done eating it."

KORB! Wins

2006-10-19T17:43:00.000-07:00

Because the tattoo neck guy wins the Runway.
Congratulations to me for being so smart.

A little late but for reals....
America's Next Top Model pick: Anchail
Amazing Race pick: The Cho brothers.

to the bank motherfathers...

MINI DUCHE

2006-10-18T17:50:00.000-07:00

So tell me...
Is it a requirement if you buy one of the Mini Cooper cars to get a vanity plate with the word mini in it?
If so, what is the penalty for not getting said plate?
If it's not required, then just why?

And the winners are...

2006-10-05T17:30:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it. I finally found a woman willing to put up with my crap for life so I made her walk down the aisle and now we are hitched. To those of you who attended the ceremony and everything around it, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking part.
I now announce the winners from each day of the four day event.

Wednesday September 13.
Jason Titus.
He showed up at the Hogs and Heffers straight off the plane, bags in hand. That's hard for ya.

Thursday September 14.
Jeff Nickerson
You know you're a tough guy when you wear tear away pants in public. Even tougher when you rip them off in the middle of a casino.

Friday September 15.
The entire KORB! family
Custom made t-shirts to the meet and greet. And each one was different. That's they way to get attention and fire up the kids.

Saturday September 16.
Mark Devito.
Not only did he have a dance off with a 3 year old kid, but he came up with and then ran away with the no pants dash.

Congratulations. And remember everyone who came is a winner in my book.
Now go to bed.

and toss to the website...

2006-09-07T17:45:00.000-07:00

With the passing of the torch from Bob Schieffer to Katie Couric on the CBS Evening News, an era ends. The era of the hard guy news anchor who I not only want to tell me my news, but I want to follow into combat.
God speed Peter Jennings.
I miss you Ted Koppel.
I remember watching you too for three straight days when the US invaded Kuwait in 1991. I sat on the couch and you gave me the updates, the analysis or what was going on and made me feel proud, scared, and confident all at the same time, struggling to understand everything that was going on and at stake in the Gulf.
What happened Dan Rather?
Where'd you go Tom Brokaw?
I listened to you try and make sense out of what was happened on September 11 and though you misled me on where Flight 93 crashed, you more than made up for it by keeping calm and giving me the information to deal with the chaos.
Yes we still have Anderson Cooper and Bob Costas, but Bob Schieffer, who more than did the job replacing Dan Rather by handling the days news with a simple style that never dumbed it down but never got snarky, was the last of the breed. A newsman who I believe and want to keep up with current events via the networks.
Now Ms. Couric seems to be a fine person. She did the job on the Today show. Perky, fun, seemingly intelligent. Great. I cant say I had real high hopes for her taking over the news what with all the talk of the lush new sets and the digitally enhanced promotional pictures of the new anchor, but jeez....
Not only does Katie talk so slow a newborn would ask her to speed it up, nut what's with the web tosses? Want more info, go to the website. I dig it. But it seemed like every third story, go to the website. Pick my signoff by...going to the website. Learn more about the new set by...going to the website. See video from our story by...you guessed it. So CBS news has a website....give me one more story.
and while your at it. I don't care what Rush Limbaugh or Morgan Spurlock think about the war on terror or the first amendment or anything else for that matter. An editorial, fine. Oooh a celebrity with an opinion. No thank you. Its not news and there's plenty more for y'all to tell me.
Peter Jennings must be rolling over in his grave..and you can see video and read more about that at our website.

Initial Thoughts on an Alternative!

2006-09-05T07:37:00.000-07:00

A message from our East Coast Correspondent

Given the current state of political affairs in the USA, it is time to
begin to craft an alternative political philosophy and party. The two
party system has become so irrationality polarized that voting trends
follow the party rather than a national and global perspective of the
issues at play. Traditional Republican doctrine calls for smaller
government, while the Christian Right wants to invade my bedroom and
over-legislate morality. The Democratic party, hmmmm, what shall we
say, has totally lost sight of any cohesive agenda and has descended to
reactionary on most of the issues, with the exception of Pro-Choice.

With that said, I think that it is time that we began to develop a
political platform. The first step is to create this platform outside
of the scope of the Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Independent,
etc........ but rather a populous platform that makes sense...

I'm thinking three specific governing principals under which our party
should function.

1. JFK: "Ask not what your country can do for you, but rather,
what you can do for your country"

In an effort to combat the reverse in individual accountability, a
cornerstone in our platform must be this sentiment. If you suck, admit
that you suck and don't be a drain on society. If you are great, be
great and stimulate independent thinking, be an asset to our society.
All decision making should be based on this notion.

2. An Entrepreneurial Approach to Government.

The current bureaucratic infrastructure is polluted by a myriad of
centuries old legislation. Much of this legislation has expanded and
built upon the governing principals and needs of our founding fathers as
well as the needs of a pre and slightly post industrial USA. These laws
governed the expansion of the railroads and not a global economy powered
by FedEx and the internet. They governed our country during
industrialization and unions and not an era of knowledge workers. These
laws have been expended to the breaking point.

An entrepreneurial approach to all facets of government is necessary.
Rather than combining a bunch of inefficient poorly managed governmental
organization into the Department of Homeland Security, destroy them and
build a new efficient system. Is Interstate Commerce really an issue in
the Dot Com era, do we need the FCC to fine pop stars, does the ATF
work? The amount of time, money, and effort spent on preventing wine
from being shipped from CA to NY (and a bunch of other nonsense issues)
is ridiculous. This is a country of smart people that do one thing
really well. INNOVATE! Let's "innovate" the system that governs us!

3. Let Economists Run the Economy.

I'm sick of the politics of petroleum. People assert that we are
fighting a war for oil, yet these people complain about $3.50 per gallon
of gas. They complain and the politicians respond. So both parties
attack the oil companies and suggest capping the price of gas. GENIUS!
Absolutely, totally GENIUS! Why didn't Adam Smith, or Milton Keynes,
or anyone else figure this out? It is not the invisible hand, but rather
the, I'm entitled to have my cake and eat it to hand!

An Economist will tell you that as the price of gas goes higher, people
will make decisions to buy more efficient cars, we're seeing that today!
People will also make investments in alternative energy sources.
Innovation will happen. Let the price of gas go to $50.00 per gallon.
I guarantee that some entrepreneur will figure out how to take my stupid
words and ideas and power a car with them, which will ultimately be
defeatist because if that happens this issue goes away, as do my stupid
words and ideas.

This was a very long way of saying keep the politicians, whenever
possible, out of the economy. Let economists run and manage the
economy, not politically motivated, short term (4 years), players!

The time is now! We have to act! Readers of this Korbunist Manifesto
either have to buy an island, a submarine, and an effective Navy, or
make a stand and fight the Bull-Shit!

Let's do it...... we have the brains....... we can create the
ground-swell..... The time is NOW! WHO IS IN?

Your East Coast Correspondent

Best Website Ever!

2006-08-31T08:01:00.000-07:00

thanks to my friend mark for this, the best website ever.

Everything I learned in school....

2006-08-24T09:46:00.000-07:00

My
Very
Elegant
Mother
Just
Sat
Upon
Nine.....
Nine what?! NINE WHAT!?!??
Damn you astronomers!

Why K-Fed, Why?

2006-08-21T22:16:00.000-07:00

I tried K-Fed.
I really did.
I made it through PopoZao and said its okay give the man a chance.
I defended the use of the lame dope and 40s sketches in "Americas Most Hated" and defended the beats and you apparent ability to rap.
I even sent people past your myspace page and declared definitively, "I will be buying the K-fed record at Best Buy the day it comes out."
But then last night you made me suffer through the worst awards show in the history of awards show, promise me what was it 4 times, you we're bringing fire, and then...
you did that.
What a bunch of shit.
The lame blue screened piano guy, the kids who couldn't be bothered to learn the words to the song the were so badly lip syncing, the 10 second struggle to put your hat on, and the worlds lamest schtick reveal. Ever.
Oooh, it was K-fed at the piano the whole time...shocking
Then to make matters worse, the song sucks bro. Your performance was uninspired and dull. You were completely overshadowed by your hype man. And you know, why didn't you dance bro. I don't need a rhythm nation but isn't that why we know who you are?
Or is it that you're still trying so hard to be hard that you had to bust out your worst T.I. impression.
Dude, let's face it. You're not hard. I dare say you may not be talented. Just accept, you hit the jackpot with that once-hot piece of tail you keep knocking up, and that's good enough.
To you I say "Good Day Sir!"

Top 5 TV drama sequences of all time

2006-08-20T22:42:00.000-07:00

I just finished Season 3 of "The Wire"-good looking out to my friend Jason, and one of those magical moments came in episode 11 that was so good, I wanted to put it into the list of best TV drama sequences of all time
5.St. Elsewhere: When Terence Knox's character visits David Morse's character in a dream and reveals he was in fact the rapist that had been terrorizing Boston. Scary!
4.The Wire: The Execution of Stringer Bell. Omar and Avon's Farrakhan-following muscle take out Stringer's bodyguard then hunt him down inside of his "legitimate" condo project. Awesome.
3.Twin Peaks The Reveal of Laura Palmer's Killer. When the face goes through the window. Scared the crap out of me.
2.Homicide:Life on the Streets: Crosetti's Funeral Procession. Frank refused to join the procession but is there in his dress blues to salute the fallen officer as his casket passes the precinct. Almost makes me cry every time.
1. The Shield: Episode One. The Strike Team rolls over the hill bathed in light and busts down the door of a drug lord giving Mackey the opportunity to get rid of the mole on the team. Comes out of nowhere. Shocking and awing. Pure TV gold.

Volunteers Needed

2006-08-12T09:14:00.000-07:00

Last night I was at the bar complaining about how I hate the terrorists, because I really do. My friend Lori was patiently listening and when my tirade finally ended she made a suggestion.
"Maybe if they had warm showers, they wouldn't be so mad and this would all stop.", is more or less what she said.
This to me was a Eureka! type moment. I realized that she was right. If there was some way to get the terrorists some hot showers, maybe we could put all of these problems behind us.
So what I suggest is a peace corps like organization, funded by one of you cool philanthropists, that will recruit young go-getters to go to the parts of the world infected with these religious wackos and get them hot showers. Install the plumbing, circulate the water, all that good stuff, what an adventure!
I think that homeland security should really think about this and get it going soon, because if these motherf@%kers make it so I can't take my Ipod on the plane next time I go somewhere, there is going to be heck to pay. I'm talking to you Osama.

25 Years of MTV

2006-07-31T17:07:00.000-07:00

It being the 25th anniversary of the MTV, I made a list of 10 things that make me thankful there is such a thing.

10. AL TV
9. The Pauly Shore Lisa Movie
8. The Stud Boy
7. Beavis and Butthead
6. The Ed Lover Dance
5. VJ Kennedy
4. Jackass
3. The State
2. Santa Slam Dance Promo
1. The Young Ones

Summer Reality Predictions

2006-07-27T09:50:00.000-07:00

I know its a little late, but these are all legit...

Project Runway-Jeffrey
Anyone who would go and get a ridiculous tattoo on their neck right before being on a show deserves to win

The Contender-K9
That's my dog

Rockstar: Supernova-The Australian guy
I don't really care but that is who I pick. An honorable mention goes to Storm here because she used to be in one of the best-named bands ever, Storm and her Dirty Mouth

An Inconvenient Truth Part 2

2006-07-25T18:53:00.000-07:00

Please, please, for the love of god....
Could you please stop sending me emails detailing how watching the Al Gore movie will be the most important life changing event of my life.
I get it, the earths temperature is changing.
I get it, Al Gore doesn't like it.
I get it, there are some ideas on how to theoretically stop this warming in the movie.
FANTASTIC!
I don't care. I have been hearing about this global warming forever. I haven't been offered any scientific proof to this point that it isn't conditioned to a natural cycle the earth goes through, anyone remember studying about the Ice Ages in science class growing up? I don't know even if they were that it's going to stop Earl in Kentucky from burning his leaves every fall, and I'm for damn sure that it wont stop everyone who has exclaimed how I must see this film form driving their cars. Didn't they say anything about that in there or is it just evil corporations destroying the earth?
Love the earth, love to be alive, love future generations, hate having stuff rammed down my throat because its fits nicely into the idea of a liberal utopian society where everyone thinks good thoughts and it be done.
So please, go and see "An Inconvenient Truth". Enjoy it. Have some Tootsie Rolls. And keep it to yourself.
Especially when the movie came out 2 months ago and you're just getting to it now.

The Golden Ticket

2006-07-21T17:34:00.000-07:00

Of course, I have been watching the coverage of the problems in the Middle East.
Of course, there are douchebags involved.
The first day that the government started getting people out of Lebanon, there were some interviews with some of the folks being taken out. One woman, this is the first group out mind you, explained:
"I feel like I got the golden ticket. Really I feel guilty. I don't know why I get to get out when all of these poor people don't have the opportunity. It seems like I shouldn't go."
All of your friends at home, I'm sure here in the Bay Area, will be very proud of you for making such a sacrifice of saying maybe you should give up your seat. You were very noble, very articulate, and oh so liberal and self-righteous.
One problem. You got on the boat.
You could have won the liberal contest had you given up your place, unfortunately...
Next time, shut up, get on the boat, and thank your lucky stars that marine is there watching your ass and making sure you get out okay.

You Too Skinny...Why You No Eat?

2006-07-06T17:17:00.000-07:00

I can sympathize with all the folks who don't like the war in Iraq. I can't say I was behind it when America went in but we did. Saddam Hussein is out, there's the possibility of a democratic government if the zealots can get their shit together, and maybe sometime soon, the country will see peace.
However, there are reasons why we are there. Were they legitimate maybe, maybe not. But we're there now and there are things that need to be done before we can get out.
If George Bush left office today, we would still be in Iraq.
If John Kerry had been elected, we would still be in Iraq.
living in San Francisco, it easy to see the majority opinion on this subject. Most of the kids want us out. Fair enough.
There is always a contest in this city to see who can be the most liberal and self-righteous. I believe today I found the winner.
Some girl and her pals are having a hunger strike in front of Congresswoman Diane Feinstein's office. If you don't know Diane, she is a Democrat to the bone, hates the President, rabble rouses with the best of 'em , was in the office between George Moscone and Harvey Milk when they were killed, can change the world with her smile, blah, blah, blah.
So my question is, what mind are you hungry people going to change down there. I believe Ms. Feinstein is against the war, has tried her darndest to get the US out, and gets voted down every time. So why hassle her?
Maybe you go to some Congressman who's on the fence her and try to faze them with your emaciated faces and distended bellies or even better, why don't you track down crazy Cindy Sheehan and hang with her for a while.
There is a constant preaching to the choir mentality her in San Francisco. You got most of the citizenry in your pocket there kids. This illogical protest will surprisingly do nothing.
Go get a Big Mac.

An Inconvenient Truth

2006-06-14T17:47:00.000-07:00

Hey Al Gore:
Do you drive a car?
Do you and Tipper ever cuddle up in front of a fire?
Have you ever jetted away on a fabulous vacation?
Does your cable network use paper when writing memos and checks?
Have you ever farted?

Then your as big a part of the problem as I am. And I want you to stop hassling me about it.

The Twizzlers Bay Bridge

2006-05-30T17:46:00.000-07:00

Right now, the Bay Bridge, which connects San Francisco and Oakland here in Northern California, is in the middle of an endless retrofitting project. The project is designed to keep the bridge from falling down if there's another earthquake like it did back in '89. This means, half the span is being rebuilt and the rest is being shored up. It costs a lot of money.
The new span is costing something like 1.8 billion and I can only imagine the rest. How is being paid for? Increased bridge tolls, bonds sales, blah blah.
How should we pay for it?
THE TWIZZLERS BAY BRIDGE! or THE MOUNTAIN DEW SPAN! or THE YAHOO! BAY SKYWAY!
I don't care, some company would surely pay big bucks to get naming rights to the bridge. While we're at it, let's put up billboards along the whole roadway, there's no real view of the thing anyway and I need to know about the latest Chrysler Sedan and who's playing at the Reno Flamingo this weekend.
This surely beats paying more money to ride across that coned off monstrosity.
Of course, the kids I'm sure will be against the creepy crawly American corporate spirit. I remember when they were talking about helping to pay for the Oakland Airport upgrades by selling billboards along the entry road there and every jerkoff they let on the news that night were "offended by the thought of HAVING TO READ THOSE ADS" and wonder "Where will the COMMERCIALISM END? IT ENDS RIGHT HERE." Meanwhile, these same kids can't figure out why they have to raise the tolls on the bridge. OH MY GOD $4! Why doesn't the bridge just fix itself? Why do we have to pay for it?
You don't!
Start taking naming rights on the bridge now Caltrans! And who knows, maybe the JUICY FRUIT BAY BRIDGE will give out free samples at those toll booths.

Proctor & Ramble

2006-05-18T17:39:00.000-07:00

A message from the Korbunist Manifesto's East Coast Correspondent:

Take a walk through CVS (or whatever your local equivalent is).

Look at the shelves - and not the shelves that carry the real medical
stuff.

Headaches hurt, and Tylenol and Aspirin really do help, especially after
a Scotch bender!

Look at the other shelves, the ones with the myriad of products,
shampoo, fragrance, oils, gels, conditioners, body wash, body lathers,
cosmetics, shaving creams, after shave, and on and on and on and
on.........

We, the American public at large, have become enslaved by bathroom
products!

I say break the chains!

Eliminate your dependency!

Minimize your consumption!

Liberate yourself from your oppression!

Protest CVS and the evil lifestyle it subtly promotes!

NO MORE CVS

NO MORE RITE AID

NO MORE ECKERD

NO MORE WALGREEN

NO MORE CVS

Join the protest and free yourself from the burden of maintenance!

The Jerkoff at the Safeway

2006-05-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

I understand the personalization of space. You put a poster up in your cube, or bring an action figure for your desk, hang a picture in your locker, but this has gone too far.
At the Safeway in Corte Madera, CA, there's this guy who works the register and for some reason, is allowed to make his register more "homey". When he opens his register, usually the backup express lane, he gets there, sets up two or three pictures and a few knick knacks before he unlocks the register.
I don't know, I just think that a dude working the register at the supermarket should keep the pictures of him and his lovable bulldog off his register and out of my face. Especially when one of those pictures has him in bed with the dog with his shirt off. Its cool to want to feel at home at work, but I think this guy has gone too far and I just may have to say something to the boss next time I'm in there.

One Sentence Reviews

2006-04-17T18:02:00.000-07:00

heres some albums I've bought this year and what I think of them.

Artic Monkeys-Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I Am Not
Believe the hype.

The Strokes-First Impression of Earth
"This record may finally save rock and roll

The Subways-Young for Eternity
White hot rock and roll goodness

Lords of Altamont-Lords Have Mercy
Fuzzy good garage rock

We are Scientists-With Love and Squalor
Fine.

Pretty Girls Make Graves-Elan Vital
Difficult but worth a listen.

DMC-Checks, Thugs, and Rock and Roll
Unlistenable.

Public Enemy-Rebirth of a Nation
Bring back the Bomb Squad, Please

Prince-3121
The best one since Gold Experience

Anti-Flag-For Blood and Empire
As always, super melodic punk goodness

Donna Martin Graduates

2006-04-10T17:01:00.000-07:00

In California, they have a test that the kids have to take when they are seniors to allow them to graduate. As far as I know its the same test for everyone, and its a general knowledge test of things they should have learned while they were in school. If you don't pass it, you don't get your diploma.
Surprisingly, I know, people are all up in arms about this cause most kids cant pass it. Some cant pass it cause they don't speak English, some say its a culturally biased test, and I have to assume, some don't pass because they didn't pay attention in school and shouldn't have made it to the 12th grade cause they just don't know the answers.
Oh wait, it couldn't be that last one could it, it must be that the test is unfair.
Hmm, see I think that that is what the test is for. To weed out the kids who didn't do the work, who didn't study, who somehow, didn't learn enough English in school to fill out a job application, from going out into the world where they will be eaten alive by the job market and perhaps join the ranks of the societal leeches on our welfare rolls.
Of course, there is a school district in Contra Costa county that is going to thwart the evil oppressors of the state government and just hand out diplomas anyway.
What about the kids who did the learning? Put in the work? Studie? Paid attention? Participated? Got educated? How do they feel about Johnny Dozeaway getting handed a diploma and passed along.
Sure, there are some kids who get good grades, have done the work, and cant pass the test. Just like SAT's Maybe there should be some way around this, I don't know but it seems to me that really what this test does, is force the kids who cant pass it to get their asses in gear to get the knowledge to do so, or start over again. And that I think can only help them and us.
By the way, the new Tori Spelling show, "So Notorious", is awesome.
See, the title works on two levels. I learned that kind of stuff in school.

The Best Guy I Ever Met

2006-03-20T19:03:00.000-08:00

The Best Guy I ever met was the guy who got on a flight with me a couple of years ago with just a cheeseburger in his hand. No backpack, no briefcase, no duffel bag, no garment bag, no full suitcase, just a cheeseburger.
I love this guy.
Its everyone else on the plane that I hate.
I don't know how much of my life I've wasted waiting for Johnny Two Bags to put his giant rolling house in the overhead compartment when clearly I know and he knows, there is no way in hell it will ever fit.
The worst day was the day when the guy jammed his huge American Tourister over my head, he was sitting some rows back, and pulled my bag out and told me, TOLD ME, to put it under my seat. Needless to say, a bit of an scene broke out, but my backpack remained above my head.
What I don't understand is not so much that the idiots bring their ass closets on the plane with them but why the airlines don't enforce the "if it don't fit in here, it goes under the plane" rule. And why I am ever asked to move my bag under my seat to accommodate a shithead who wont check his bag. I have the long legs you see so this don't really work for me...and I followed the damn rules bout the size of carryon!
I encourage all of you to write to your airline and tell them to start enforcing the size of carryon luggage and make the skies indeed more friendly...unless you too tote the 75 pound Samsonite on the plane...then just go to hell.

Children, School Busses, Social Security, Snow & Apocalypse Now

2006-03-14T16:50:00.000-08:00

One of our East Coast friends would like to add his two cents to Korbmania. And I salute him!

A reading from Mark to the Al Gorians:

"Saigon... shit; I'm still only in Saigon... Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back in the jungle. When I was home after my first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. I hardly said a word to my wife, until I said "yes" to a divorce. When I was here, I wanted to be there; when I was there, all I could think of was getting back into the jungle. I'm here a week now... waiting for a mission... getting softer; every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker, and every minute Charlie squats in the bush, he gets stronger. Each time I looked around, the walls moved in a little tighter."

It was only a couple of weeks ago when the entire New York Metro area went into a panic over the prospect of snow. Accumulation predicted to begin in the late morning on a Thursday and by six o'clock in the morning sure enough school administrators began their frantic calls to the local news networks to ensure that all of the students, parents, and teachers were aware that they could spend the day resting because as we know the wheels of academia come to a grinding halt when a flake of snow falls from the heavens!

Our country cries whenever it comes to the surface that jobs are moving overseas. Our country cries that China and India are dumping products on Americans. Our country cries for protectionism.

But, for some reason, our country does not cry when little Joey and little Betty voice their entitlement to a day off school; after all, we want to ensure their safety on the school buses! And it is really amazing, as I challenge you to see if little Joey and little Betty are actually sitting at home, avoiding the dangers of the icy roads, or if they are being chauffeured around by their Soccer Moms in their suburban land tanks to play dates!

Our country should cry every time school is cancelled as the greatest investment in future prosperity is education and innovation. Let's face it, with retirement of the Baby Boomer generation imminent, we need all of the education and innovation this country can cultivate. Wait a second, aren't the Baby Boomers the ones canceling school? Are they out of their mind? Who in this country will pay for their Social Security benefits in the future?

I got it! Let's outsource Social Security Funding!

Every day we take a step to discourage education and innovation we get weaker, while every day Charlie is getting stronger!

America's Next Top Model Predictions

2006-03-02T18:27:00.000-08:00

My picks for this cycles winner is Jade with Brooke a close second.
Past picks:
Cycle 5: Jayla-top five
Cycle 4: Naima-winner
Cycle 3: Norelle-top five
Cycle 2: April-top five
Cycle 1: didn't watch it.

Take those picks to the bank!

Congratulations to ME!

2006-02-10T18:06:00.000-08:00

my website, www.korbmania.com, has been censored by a Christian college in Southern California, due to its tastelessness.
now i need everyone to get organizized, beat your feet to socal, and protest this unamerican practice!
or just go on about your daily business cause its not really that important.

President Bush hates Kanye West

2006-02-09T18:56:00.000-08:00

And so do I.
Kanye West is, if you don't know, another in the long line of producers who have turned the microphone on themselves and for some reason won the hearts and mind of the country. One of the main reasons this makes me mad is the fact that the man can't rap. Yes, that's right. Kanye west makes P Diddy, the forefather of this insidious trend, and another dude who got no flow, sound like LL Cool J. He makes Lil Jon sound like Chuck D. He makes me sound like Rakim.
Now I think Gold Digger, off this guys newest record, is a good song, but if only someone, anyone else had recorded it, it would have won pop song of the year for me and would probably have cracked the top 20 greatest of all time, but instead, I sometimes turn it off after just a few mush mouthed lines.
Next lets talk about Kanye freestyling on the Barbara Walters special. Never a more embarrassing, uncool, stumblefest have I ever seen.
"Yo, yo , yo you Barbara Walters--pause--never falters---(I got nothing) some of the lines from Jesus Walks--pause pause... I had to turn it off.
Now, the important work Kanye is doing for the black community by pushing his no college agenda. Kanye did not finish college and has one on to use this a bragging right, calling his albums, Late Registration and College Dropout. I have also heard him speak again and again on the topic. Congratulations Mr. West on having reached such success without the "crutch" of college. Not everyone will get as lucky though and damn if you talk one kid out of college who could go and learn and become productive and they don't......
What else...oh right, the grammy speech. Stop it man. There is a huge difference between swagger and assholeedness and my friend...leaning towards asshole. Start with the preinterviews where not one ounce of humility or sportsmanship was given. "I will win. No doubt." is the gist of what the man said. Granted he did win, and blast the voters cause then I had to sit through the worst speech, preceded by the worst joke with the worst timing.
I know there's more, but I'm starting to get angry.

Best Protest...EVER!

2006-02-01T17:26:00.000-08:00

Well, as if I needed more proof that the protest has become completely irrelevant as a tool for social or political change, San Francisco does it again. In the city where they'll stop the war in Iraq by blocking rush hour traffic and smashing the windows of the Gap, and have elementary school students stay home from school to protest school closures, a new low was reached yesterday to protest their favorite target, president Bush.
In the most third-grade move I've seen in some time, the geniuses who organized this one got a big screen monitor in Union Square downtown, that broadcast the State of the Union address, but in a big twist...WITHOUT SOUND! And all the protesters made noise and beat drums and talked loud and didn't pay attention to the President during the speech. That's right, the old silent treatment. Holy Cow, I have to guess that the President is really reeling from this one, especially since, he couldn't hear them anyway.
Then to top it off, they toppled a statue of Bush to mock the toppling of the statue of Saddam Hussein in Iraq a few years ago. This part wasn't all that bad idea, but as an exclamation mark on the stupidest protest I've ever had my tax dollars for police presence wasted on, it takes it to a sillier level.
Keep it up kids, if this is all you got, the Republican agenda will keep chugging forth, gaining members embarrassed to be associated with you.

Stella

2006-01-31T14:55:00.000-08:00

I went to see Michael Showwalter and David Wain of "The State" and "Stella" fame this last weekend as part of SF Sketchfest. The guys regaled us of stories from their beginnings at NYU, through the MTV experience, into the movies, the album, and "Stella" on Comedy Central. Overall, a very entertaining, educating, and funny lecture, followed by some lame San Francisco audience Q&A.
The point of this post however, is that the one or two of you who read this and value my sanity, need to go to the online petition to save "Stella" over there at comedy Central and get it out on DVD and a season 2 in the works.
Follow this link: http://www.petitiononline.com/stella06/petition.html and sign it and hopefully, we can have more "Stella"!
Thank you for your support.

Random Top 5 List

2006-01-17T23:02:00.000-08:00

Best 5 Guitar Solos Ever...
5. Cult of Personality-Vernon Reid
4. I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man-Prince
3. Detroit Rock City-Ace Frehley
2. Rebel Yell-Steven Stevens
1. Purple Rain-Prince

its true.

Day-NO!

2006-01-11T18:25:00.000-08:00

Harry Belafonte, where have you gone?
This time to Venezuela with his buddy Danny Glover to visit the socialist President of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez. This is a guy who is a Castro-like Socialist who has quadrupled the number of weapons his country's Army carry and threatened to shut off Venezuela's oil supplies to anyone who defies him.
While there in South America, Danny and Hugo and Harry went on a radio show where Mr. Belafonte called American President George W Bush the "world's biggest terrorist".
Now I support all of our right to express ourselves how we like and if you want to visit Venezuela, go for it, I've been there myself.
What disturbs me, is though I don't care for Mr. Bush, although I would hardly call him a terrorist, is how celebrities go off on these little jaunts and say their little liberal ideas and we, as Americans, are supposed to pay homage to what they say.
Being a celebrity doesn't make you smarter than me, more moral than me, a better person than me. The man sings songs for Pete's sake. As far as I know he only sings one song, but I digress.
I'm just tired of the liberal celebrity hoard going out and making the speeches wherever it is inappropriate, they get lots of coverage, and somehow its given credence.
Express yourself, great. But Danny Glover, Sean Penn, Warren Beatty, Rob Reiner, Michael Moore, Harry Belafonte...save it. I don't care what you think and ever time you do it, I swing a little further to the right

Killer Storms

2006-01-05T17:33:00.000-08:00

One of the best things about living in California is that it only rains in the winter. All the rest of the year, no rain, no mist, no nothing.
One of the worst things about living in California is that it only rains in the winter.
This gives the local news the opportunity to call every rain shower a STORM! They track the STORM!, they monitor the STORM!, they watch the STORM! and then it rains 1/8 of an inch in 24 hours.
When I lived in Pennsylvania, the word storm was reserved for things like 12 inches of snow or massive amounts of lightning strikes. The everyday rain was usually referred to as rain.
huh.
Here in California, every approaching system that involves rainfall is a STORM according to the dudes on the news. i believe this has led us into a "the boy who cried wolf" scenario.
This last week, there actually was a storm, several counties up here flooded out due to very heavy rainfall and the overflow of several rivers and creeks. Very few people left the area when the STORM came through, maybe because it was just another STORM in a long line of STORMS.
What I'm trying to say is it's okay if its just going to rain. I know California is the most important place in the world, but not everything that happens here needs to be of life or death.
But now I have to go and prepare my earthquake kit because the big one is coming maybe next year, maybe next decade or maybe in FIVE MINUTES!

Everyone Else is Doing it...

2005-12-22T23:49:00.000-08:00

So I will too. How about another crappy Best of the Year list?
Okay.

KORB!'s Top 5 Albums of the Year
5. Hefty Fine: Bloodhound Gang
4. 2 EPs: Rock and Roll Soldiers
3. You're Speaking My Language: Julieete & The Licks
2. The Woods: Sleater-Kinney
1. Silent Alarm: Bloc Party

KORB!'s Favorite TV Show of the Year
Breaking Bonaduce: VH1

KORB!'s Top 5 Films of the Year
5. History of Violence
4. Land of the Dead
3. Lords of Dogtown
2. Murderball
1. Batman Begins

KORB!"S Top 5 Thank Goodness for DVD List
5. Tetsuo: The Iron Man Special Edition
4. My Own Private Idaho Criterion Collection
3. Murder City Devils: The End
2. Jackass Volume 1
1. Naked Criterion Collection

Best Show KORB! saw this year (granted I was lazy this year)
Flogging Molly/Green Day @ SBC Park, San Francisco

Happy New Years kids.

Pop Song of the Year

2005-12-05T18:24:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the KORBunist Manifesto.
This willl just be some random thoughts from KORB! read, respond, scoff. Its all good.

Every year i like to name the pop song of the year. It's a year long struggle of listening to the radio, watching the MTV, hearing the things they play in the background of Veronica Mars....
The criteria? Basically it has to be a stright pop song, in the pop song verse chorus, verse chorus form. It has to have been a top 100 hit. It has to have been released to radio in the current year. It has to have stuck in my head and not make me crazy every time I wake up with it swirling through my mind. It has to make me want to dance, somehow.
Some past winner include: "Toxic" by Britney Spears, "All the Things She Said" by Ta'tu, "Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba, and "Get the Party Started" by P!nk.
This year was a tough one. The runner-up "Signs" by Snoop Dogg and Justin Timberlake, which would have been the first single to feature the rapping to win the honor, was eventually eliminted because of its use of the "n" word, even though it is a ferocious, monster jam. The other contender and of course winner, is from a group I don't like, think are completely overrated, and have released some of the worst songs in recent memory.
This time around though, Destiny's Child killed me with the Pop Song of the Year, "Lose My Breath". An incredibly simple, catchy, dancy mish mash of silly harmonies, pat hip hop beats, and of course, the breathing sound, always a winner. No matter what I did to try and escape this song, it just kept creeping in, deeper and deeper, until I could no longer resist it and have given in to the musical goodness of this years winner, "Lose My Breath" by Destiny's Child! All hail Beyonce...even though I think Kelly is the pretty one.