Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Target is a Laxative

Every time I walk into a Target store I have to go number two.
No matter when or where, how long its been since last time, what I have or have not eaten, I walk through those Caution: Automatic Doors, and my bowels loosen up.
I don't know why.
Thank goodness they have a restroom.
Cleanup on aisle 2.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

American Idol 2

Another scandal over there at American Idol.
Why is Sanjaya still on the show?
Many theories abound.
I have the answer.
Because he gets more votes than the other people do.
Now knock it off.
I'm still talking to you Billy Bush.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Are We Done Yet?

Remember when you first saw or heard IceCube or Snoop Dogg?
IceCube Then
Remember how scary and bold and exciting and intriguing it all was?
Snoop Dogg Then
Things sure have changed huh?
IceCube Now
Snoop Dogg Now

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Rosie O'Donell

Please shut up Rosie.
Please, please, please.
For the love of God, shut up.
Please take your liberal moral compass and your holier than thou everything and shove it.
And then shut up.
Your opinion means nothing to me 'cause it keeps coming and coming and coming.
You are not always right.
Everyone else is not always wrong.
Not everyone is so goddamn sinister Rosie.
Sometimes people just make mistakes or don't thin things through or the rules change or just do things. There's not always evil lurking behind the face of everyone but you.
In fact it may be just the opposite.
Plus, since you have derided, persecuted, outed, and denied everyone else's right to an opinion or free speech, I'm going to say I couldn't care about your depression or anything else that has made you sad or hasn't gone your way.
So in conclusion, Rosie shut up.