Monday, March 20, 2006

The Best Guy I Ever Met

The Best Guy I ever met was the guy who got on a flight with me a couple of years ago with just a cheeseburger in his hand. No backpack, no briefcase, no duffel bag, no garment bag, no full suitcase, just a cheeseburger.
I love this guy.
Its everyone else on the plane that I hate.
I don't know how much of my life I've wasted waiting for Johnny Two Bags to put his giant rolling house in the overhead compartment when clearly I know and he knows, there is no way in hell it will ever fit.
The worst day was the day when the guy jammed his huge American Tourister over my head, he was sitting some rows back, and pulled my bag out and told me, TOLD ME, to put it under my seat. Needless to say, a bit of an scene broke out, but my backpack remained above my head.
What I don't understand is not so much that the idiots bring their ass closets on the plane with them but why the airlines don't enforce the "if it don't fit in here, it goes under the plane" rule. And why I am ever asked to move my bag under my seat to accommodate a shithead who wont check his bag. I have the long legs you see so this don't really work for me...and I followed the damn rules bout the size of carryon!
I encourage all of you to write to your airline and tell them to start enforcing the size of carryon luggage and make the skies indeed more friendly...unless you too tote the 75 pound Samsonite on the plane...then just go to hell.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Children, School Busses, Social Security, Snow & Apocalypse Now

One of our East Coast friends would like to add his two cents to Korbmania. And I salute him!

A reading from Mark to the Al Gorians:

"Saigon... shit; I'm still only in Saigon... Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back in the jungle. When I was home after my first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. I hardly said a word to my wife, until I said "yes" to a divorce. When I was here, I wanted to be there; when I was there, all I could think of was getting back into the jungle. I'm here a week now... waiting for a mission... getting softer; every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker, and every minute Charlie squats in the bush, he gets stronger. Each time I looked around, the walls moved in a little tighter."

It was only a couple of weeks ago when the entire New York Metro area went into a panic over the prospect of snow. Accumulation predicted to begin in the late morning on a Thursday and by six o'clock in the morning sure enough school administrators began their frantic calls to the local news networks to ensure that all of the students, parents, and teachers were aware that they could spend the day resting because as we know the wheels of academia come to a grinding halt when a flake of snow falls from the heavens!

Our country cries whenever it comes to the surface that jobs are moving overseas. Our country cries that China and India are dumping products on Americans. Our country cries for protectionism.

But, for some reason, our country does not cry when little Joey and little Betty voice their entitlement to a day off school; after all, we want to ensure their safety on the school buses! And it is really amazing, as I challenge you to see if little Joey and little Betty are actually sitting at home, avoiding the dangers of the icy roads, or if they are being chauffeured around by their Soccer Moms in their suburban land tanks to play dates!

Our country should cry every time school is cancelled as the greatest investment in future prosperity is education and innovation. Let's face it, with retirement of the Baby Boomer generation imminent, we need all of the education and innovation this country can cultivate. Wait a second, aren't the Baby Boomers the ones canceling school? Are they out of their mind? Who in this country will pay for their Social Security benefits in the future?

I got it! Let's outsource Social Security Funding!

Every day we take a step to discourage education and innovation we get weaker, while every day Charlie is getting stronger!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

America's Next Top Model Predictions

My picks for this cycles winner is Jade with Brooke a close second.
Past picks:
Cycle 5: Jayla-top five
Cycle 4: Naima-winner
Cycle 3: Norelle-top five
Cycle 2: April-top five
Cycle 1: didn't watch it.

Take those picks to the bank!