Thursday, July 24, 2008

News Flash!

Now, I don't know if any of you have heard about this.
The news organizations are only reporting on it every two minutes or so, but...
Gas prices have one up
I know, I know. Shocking!
You had no idea!
Well, don't worry. If you watch the news nowadays, there ill be at least two reports straight up on this unheard of fact and probably 2 or 3 more stories will work this information in.
Guess what.
I know gas prices have gone up.
I buy gas.
So do you.
Did you know this?
Or was it necessary for the news guys to let you know about it, every five minutes.
Listen guys, this isn't news.
Since people buy gas every day, they know its more expensive than it used to be.
Even if they didn't would it still be news?
You won't tell me if caviar or hammers or carpets are more expensive.
Because it isn't news.
Please, for the love of god...

More things that aren't news and should not be reported:
1. It's hot outside. I know I went outside today. This also applies to it's raining outside, snowing, etc. There's a weird segment of the news called the weather, which is where this goes.
2. The amount of money available to win in the lottery is high. Um, not news. In Nevada, this also applies to the amount of the MegaMillions jackpot.
3. The second part of any story where we find out what derelicts on the street think of what we just reported. People's opinions, especially Joe the crazy liberal walking guy, mean nothing to me and is by definition not news, especially when they tell me how outrageous gas prices are.
4. Anything Britney is doing. Unless she kills someone or cures cancer, her life is not important and you can slot a story about what happened at the City Council meeting instead here.
5. How many people watch a YouTube video. Really, 200,000 people saw the dog on the skateboard? Who cares, tell me why the highway has a hole in it and when it will be fixed. This rule also applies to the amount of money movies have made and records have sold. People went to see Batman...fascinating.

Now get out there and find some real news, but take the hybrid news van...gas is really expensive right now.