The Twizzlers Bay Bridge

Right now, the Bay Bridge, which connects San Francisco and Oakland here in Northern California, is in the middle of an endless retrofitting project. The project is designed to keep the bridge from falling down if there's another earthquake like it did back in '89. This means, half the span is being rebuilt and the rest is being shored up. It costs a lot of money.
The new span is costing something like 1.8 billion and I can only imagine the rest. How is being paid for? Increased bridge tolls, bonds sales, blah blah.
How should we pay for it?
THE TWIZZLERS BAY BRIDGE! or THE MOUNTAIN DEW SPAN! or THE YAHOO! BAY SKYWAY!
I don't care, some company would surely pay big bucks to get naming rights to the bridge. While we're at it, let's put up billboards along the whole roadway, there's no real view of the thing anyway and I need to know about the latest Chrysler Sedan and who's playing at the Reno Flamingo this weekend.
This surely beats paying more money to ride across that coned off monstrosity.
Of course, the kids I'm sure will be against the creepy crawly American corporate spirit. I remember when they were talking about helping to pay for the Oakland Airport upgrades by selling billboards along the entry road there and every jerkoff they let on the news that night were "offended by the thought of HAVING TO READ THOSE ADS" and wonder "Where will the COMMERCIALISM END? IT ENDS RIGHT HERE." Meanwhile, these same kids can't figure out why they have to raise the tolls on the bridge. OH MY GOD $4! Why doesn't the bridge just fix itself? Why do we have to pay for it?
You don't!
Start taking naming rights on the bridge now Caltrans! And who knows, maybe the JUICY FRUIT BAY BRIDGE will give out free samples at those toll booths.

Proctor & Ramble

A message from the Korbunist Manifesto's East Coast Correspondent:

Take a walk through CVS (or whatever your local equivalent is).

Look at the shelves - and not the shelves that carry the real medical
stuff.

Headaches hurt, and Tylenol and Aspirin really do help, especially after
a Scotch bender!

Look at the other shelves, the ones with the myriad of products,
shampoo, fragrance, oils, gels, conditioners, body wash, body lathers,
cosmetics, shaving creams, after shave, and on and on and on and
on.........

We, the American public at large, have become enslaved by bathroom
products!

I say break the chains!

Eliminate your dependency!

Minimize your consumption!

Liberate yourself from your oppression!

Protest CVS and the evil lifestyle it subtly promotes!

NO MORE CVS

NO MORE RITE AID

NO MORE ECKERD

NO MORE WALGREEN

NO MORE CVS

Join the protest and free yourself from the burden of maintenance!

The Jerkoff at the Safeway

I understand the personalization of space. You put a poster up in your cube, or bring an action figure for your desk, hang a picture in your locker, but this has gone too far.
At the Safeway in Corte Madera, CA, there's this guy who works the register and for some reason, is allowed to make his register more "homey". When he opens his register, usually the backup express lane, he gets there, sets up two or three pictures and a few knick knacks before he unlocks the register.
I don't know, I just think that a dude working the register at the supermarket should keep the pictures of him and his lovable bulldog off his register and out of my face. Especially when one of those pictures has him in bed with the dog with his shirt off. Its cool to want to feel at home at work, but I think this guy has gone too far and I just may have to say something to the boss next time I'm in there.