Best Website Ever!

thanks to my friend mark for this, the best website ever.

Everything I learned in school....

My
Very
Elegant
Mother
Just
Sat
Upon
Nine.....
Nine what?! NINE WHAT!?!??
Damn you astronomers!

Why K-Fed, Why?

I tried K-Fed.
I really did.
I made it through PopoZao and said its okay give the man a chance.
I defended the use of the lame dope and 40s sketches in "Americas Most Hated" and defended the beats and you apparent ability to rap.
I even sent people past your myspace page and declared definitively, "I will be buying the K-fed record at Best Buy the day it comes out."
But then last night you made me suffer through the worst awards show in the history of awards show, promise me what was it 4 times, you we're bringing fire, and then...
you did that.
What a bunch of shit.
The lame blue screened piano guy, the kids who couldn't be bothered to learn the words to the song the were so badly lip syncing, the 10 second struggle to put your hat on, and the worlds lamest schtick reveal. Ever.
Oooh, it was K-fed at the piano the whole time...shocking
Then to make matters worse, the song sucks bro. Your performance was uninspired and dull. You were completely overshadowed by your hype man. And you know, why didn't you dance bro. I don't need a rhythm nation but isn't that why we know who you are?
Or is it that you're still trying so hard to be hard that you had to bust out your worst T.I. impression.
Dude, let's face it. You're not hard. I dare say you may not be talented. Just accept, you hit the jackpot with that once-hot piece of tail you keep knocking up, and that's good enough.
To you I say "Good Day Sir!"

Top 5 TV drama sequences of all time

I just finished Season 3 of "The Wire"-good looking out to my friend Jason, and one of those magical moments came in episode 11 that was so good, I wanted to put it into the list of best TV drama sequences of all time
5.St. Elsewhere: When Terence Knox's character visits David Morse's character in a dream and reveals he was in fact the rapist that had been terrorizing Boston. Scary!
4.The Wire: The Execution of Stringer Bell. Omar and Avon's Farrakhan-following muscle take out Stringer's bodyguard then hunt him down inside of his "legitimate" condo project. Awesome.
3.Twin Peaks The Reveal of Laura Palmer's Killer. When the face goes through the window. Scared the crap out of me.
2.Homicide:Life on the Streets: Crosetti's Funeral Procession. Frank refused to join the procession but is there in his dress blues to salute the fallen officer as his casket passes the precinct. Almost makes me cry every time.
1. The Shield: Episode One. The Strike Team rolls over the hill bathed in light and busts down the door of a drug lord giving Mackey the opportunity to get rid of the mole on the team. Comes out of nowhere. Shocking and awing. Pure TV gold.

Volunteers Needed

Last night I was at the bar complaining about how I hate the terrorists, because I really do. My friend Lori was patiently listening and when my tirade finally ended she made a suggestion.
"Maybe if they had warm showers, they wouldn't be so mad and this would all stop.", is more or less what she said.
This to me was a Eureka! type moment. I realized that she was right. If there was some way to get the terrorists some hot showers, maybe we could put all of these problems behind us.
So what I suggest is a peace corps like organization, funded by one of you cool philanthropists, that will recruit young go-getters to go to the parts of the world infected with these religious wackos and get them hot showers. Install the plumbing, circulate the water, all that good stuff, what an adventure!
I think that homeland security should really think about this and get it going soon, because if these motherf@%kers make it so I can't take my Ipod on the plane next time I go somewhere, there is going to be heck to pay. I'm talking to you Osama.