Lots of Breaking News Today...

What do I care more about?
Who gets custody of Michael Jackson's kids...
What kind of beer will they be drinking at the "Beer Summit" today at the White House...
Kanye West broke up Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian...

Isn't there a war going on somewhere?

Hilarious Online Video!

Dear News Directors:
Someone who made a video and put it on you tube and the people looked at it is not news.
Whether it is some people dancing at a wedding, dancing to Thriller in a prison yard, or playing a keyboard when a cat, none of these things are news.
What bored people do in their time off at work means nothing to me in the scheme of what is going on in society.
Again, please stop it.
For the love of god. I can't see these knuckleheads march down the aisle again or hear about their "dance" training.
Nice sweater cockbag.

Jackson would have been 51 today...

I have no idea when Michael Jackson's birthday is, but i assume whenever it is, the onslaught of Jackson coverage will still be going strong. but can you imagine the pigfuck of rehashing coverage well get that day?
All i know is i watched the news last night for 12 minutes before i heard a story not about the king of pop.
I think we get it: he's dead, there might have been some drugs, he made some videos, he's gonna fuck up traffic in la tomorrow, he had a monkey...
Stop, i got enough.

Thriller

Why is it that we, as Americans, feel compelled to buy the records of people immediately after they die?
With Jacko stopping, because he got enough (not mine, but i wish it was) last week, the Billboard charts are once again being dominated by the King of Pop, for the first time in decades.
It's like when John Lennon was killed, and the horrible Double Fantasy went from selling 15,000 to going platinum in a week and Nevermind getting back on the charts when Kurt Cobain killed himself.
Now that the guy is dead, you gotta have the music, and you gotta have it now.
You didn't have it last week.
You aren't going to listen to it next week.
Is it to pile on?
So you have something to talk around the watercooler?
Because you're a boring ghoul?
I would like to know, and so would the man in the mirror.

A Note to Hollywood

Please stop blowing up landmarks.
I'm over it.
Also Parkour is not inherently cool.
People who do parkour are not inherently cool.
Hence, stop doing the cool parkour thing.
It does not make things cool.
especially when there is a landmark blowing up behind it.

Holy Outrage!

okay,
the price of stamps has gone up.
if you are angry about this, there is something wrong with you.
44 cents to send something across the country is not that much.
if there is actually someone in the world who can't afford the price bump, i think you may have worse problems than the price of a stamp.
please keep all of this in mind reporters.
isn't there someone with a bellyache in Nepal you can start a pandemic alert about?

Things I Don't Care About This Week

Michael Phelps smoking weed

Christian Bale using the "F" word

The lady with the babies. Please stop giving her press. She's a drain on the countries resources.

Thank you.